This is my last column before election day, and what to do? Should I, or should I not, do a last-shot-at-pre-election-election column?
I probably won’t, but I do need to retract an opinion I offered in a recent column. After careful consideration, I have decided that I now support the Obama-Biden ticket. From each according to his ability to each according to his need, I always say.
Hey wait a minute, that wasn’t the real me that made them statements, that was an impostor!
A resident of West Texas offered me some columnial advice.
“I’ve liked the exchanges between OfficerY, Officer Y, The Real Officer Y; The Guy Who Poses as Officer Y on Weekends and his brother-in-law who went crazy eight years ago, Officer Y2K; Officer Y?Y?Y?, who takes after a little kid who won’t stop asking questions, and Officer YNot, that officer’s brother …” the West Texan, who identified himself as Officer Krupke, West Side (between the turf of the Sharks and the Jets) aka neverwantedtobeajailerbut
Iknowaguywhousedtobe, offered via e-mail.
I suspect Officer Krupke was referring to my column last week in which I implored the real Officer Y of the Bulletin’s online comment section to swingin’ please stand up.
“On the other hand, you could chuck it all and get in one last shot before the election, but then everyone else is doing likewise, too, and will continue to do so until, oh, March or April. Of 2012 …” Officer Krupke continued.
Yes, the exchanges between the real and fake Officer Y, and now a real and fake used2beajailer, are continuing on the Bulletin’s online comment sections. I noticed a flaw in the counterfeit Officer Y: on at least one occasion, this person signed the post as “OfficerY,” no space. The real Officer Y uses a space.
Officer Krupke went on to explain that he has volunteered to work the election this year. “I’ll be one of those people at the polling place who ask to see your voter’s card,” Officer Krupke went on to explain even further. “ I’ve also got to ask if they wear a helmet, what they think about colloidal silver, have they ever worked for the flower police, and the status of their toast …”
Officer Krupke is apparently a student of my past columns, as they have dealt with all of those topics except colloidal silver. I once traded Officer Krupke a bag of pecans for a bottle of colloidal silver … that’s a whole other story, don’t you know.
In an earlier e-mail from the same e-mail address, the author - who did not claim to be Officer Krupke - had a question on my column from last week: “my question is, when the rat was found in the math manipulatives, was he wearing a helmet?”
Next, the person who did not claim to be Officer Krupke opined, “I think next time they have a candidates’ meeting between the sheriff’s candidates, you should be the moderator, so at one point you can say, “Now, boys… be nice!
“ … Since everyone is signing off as various officers, instead of claiming to be the honest-to-goodness, no-kidding Officer Y, I’ll be (take your pick): Officers Toody and Muldoon, Car 54, The Bronx; Sgt. Joe Friday and Bill Gannon, This is the City; Inspector Harry Callahan, That City by the Bay.”
Doggonne it, quit clowning around, willya?
In another e-mail from the same address but yet another alter ego, a “gb” offered advice. Referring to my earlier column on the Socialist Savior, he opined, “Nope, it wasn’t some of your best work. Like I said before, it’s nothing a lot of folks haven’t heard before …
“I went back and read the last couple of columns. I liked them better, with T.O. in the classroom and Steve Ellis on the courtroom. And yes, indeed, you are Mr. Accountability and Personal Responsibility. Even that bumper sticker on your van says so. Nevertheless, that message never fails to find an audience.”
Bumper sticker? I don’t need no stinkin’ bumper sticker.
Oh, as for the “rat” in the “math manipulatives.” He was (and still is) actually a hamster, and he was not wearing a helmet.
And BTW - what kind of question is that - “was the rat (sic) wearing a helmet …” Are you kidding me? I don’t know who’s writing your questions, but you won’t be getting any more interviews with this campaign.
Steve Nash writes his column for the Brownwood Bulletin on Thursdays. He may be reached by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.