Last year’s attempt at a sing-along Christmas family newsletter was so well-received (thanks to both of you who commented), I thought I would try it again.

Sometimes, a Christmas card is about the only contact family members and friends have with each other, so it’s a good time to include some correspondence so they know what’s been going on. At the same time, it’s tough to do that and not sound like you’re bragging. A little music, and a little humor, can take the edge off of it all. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, there’s not much to brag about that wasn’t mentioned last year, but here we go anyway:

“I’ll Be Broke on Christmas”

(Sung to the tune of

“I’ll Be Home for Christmas”)

I’ll be broke on Christmas;

You can count on this.

Please take checks and credit cards

To pay for Christmas bliss.

New Year’s Eve will find me

Where the red ink flows.

I’ll be broke on Christmas

My funds will hit new lows.

“Sleeping Around Two Pesky Cats”

(Sung to the tune of

“Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”)

Sleeping around two pesky cats

on the corners of the bed.

Open space simply

can’t be found,

Cat hair covers our bedspread.

Sleeping around two pesky cats,

Our alarm clock says “meow.”

Somehow they wake

us every hour

‘Cause their bowls are

out of chow.

We still get an aggravated

feeling when we hear

Outcries meaning,

“We are starving,

Feed us now! Look, we’re so charming.”

Sleeping around two pesky cats

on both sides of our heads.

Better get up and feed them now

Lest our pillows be in shreds.

“Christmas Sales”

(Sung to the tune of “Silver Bells”)

There are no smiles

in the store aisles,

Trashed out holiday style.

On the floor there’s a faint hint

of bloodshed.

Children screaming,

People reeling,

Raiding pile after pile,

And at ev’ry store’s

Check-out you’ll find…

Christmas sales, Christmas sales.

It’s discount time at the chain stores.

Ring-a-ling, cashiers sing,

Prices get slashed every day.

People in fights

Break the bright lights,

They turn all black and blue

As the shoppers crash

Through entrance barriers. 

Hear their jaws crunch

From that last punch,

When the riots ensue,

And above all this chaos

You’ll hear…

Christmas sales, Christmas sales.

It’s madness time at the chain stores.

Try to cope, lose all hope,

When it will end, who can say?

“Do You Hear What I Hear?”

(Sung to the tune of

“Do You Hear What I Hear?”)

Said the night wind to the twinkle lights,

“Do you hear what I hear?

Way up on the roof, twinkle lights.

Do you hear what I hear?

A man, big man, dressed quite festively,

Ho-ho-ho-ing so cheerfully,

Ho-ho-ho-ing so cheerfully.”

Said the husband to his lovely spouse

“Do you see what I see?

In the Christmas tree, my dear spouse?

Do you see what I see?

Our cat, sweet cat, climbing up the tree

With a mouse as big as can be,

With a mouse as big as can be.”

Said the mailman to the carolers,

“Do you know what I know?

With your chocolate hot, carolers.

Do you know what I know?

A child, a child, waits impatiently

For this box wrapped so carefully,

For this box wrapped so carefully.”

Said the King to the people everywhere,

“Celebrate as I say.

Simplify, people everywhere.

Worship Me, it’s My day.

These times you share, passing oh-so-fast,

Will too soon all be in the past.

Seek out things which forever last.”

“I Wish Now I Had Some More Time”

(Sung to the tune of

“I Wish You A Merry Christmas”)

I wish now I had some more time

To write you a little more rhyme.

‘Til then, know we’re doing just fine,

Happy Christmas, New Year!

Gene Deason is editor of the Brownwood Bulletin. His column appears on Friday. He may be reached by e-mail at gene.deason@brownwoodbulletin.com.